Alec’s

Her words kept playing in my head.

I couldn't for the life of me understand why she would say that. Why she'd say that

I am lucky.

I want to argue with her. I want to prove that she's wrong. I want to remind her of everything Alec put me through-of what I endured in his arms, at his hands-but I don't.

This isn't about comparing who had it worse. This isn't about measuring pain like it's a competition. This isn't about comparison at all.

She went through what she did, even though she hasn't told me what it is, and I'm sure to her it was the greatest, most heartbreaking pain she's ever felt. I went through what I did with Alec, and for me, it was the hardest, most heartbreaking thing I've ever faced.

It doesn't matter whose pain cuts deeper. Doesn't matter the level. Doesn't matter how much it hurts. Pain is pain.

When we're dealing with heartbreak, when we're dealing with pain, we're all a little selfish. We assume that ours is the worst. We have this tendency to try and diminish the pain another person is feeling just to make room for ours.

I don't want to do that to Nyx and I don't want her to do it to me, either. We both suffered. We both bled. It doesn't matter how or by whose hand; at the end of the day, we both carry pain.

Once the truth of that settles in my chest, I decide to change the subject. I don't want this to be a sore point between us. I don't want conflict, so I choose to change the topic. To focus on something else, to focus on something different, anything except what we've both been through.

"Nyx... What happened to your mother?"

She's a silent for a moment before she answers, "I don't know... I'm not sure."

I freeze. "What do you mean you don't know? What kind of answer is that?"

"You don't know where your biological parents are, either." She bluntly replies, her tone flat as she rolls her eyes.

I blink, speechless. "That's... That's different."

"How? You don't know where your birth parents are and I don't know where my mother is. It's the same thing."

If she had shoulders, I swear she would've shrugged.

"It's not the same," I argue. "My adoptive parents are dead and up until a few weeks ago, I didn't even know I was adopted. You can't blame me for not knowing where my birth parents are when I didn't even know I was adopted."

My chest tightens. I've been trying so hard not to think about it. Trying so hard not to wonder why my real parents gave me up, why they didn't want me. I've been trying to push down thoughts of not being wanted.

"You've known for weeks," Nyx cuts in, "Yet you haven't done anything to find them."

Her words slice through me like a jagged blade, making it a little bit hard to breathe.

"I've been busy," I mumble, trying to move past this topic, "And besides, I know you're trying to change the subject."

"I'm not. I'm just curious why you haven't bothered to find out who your birth parents are."

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "This isn't about me-it's about you. Where is your mom, Nyx? I know she's not dead, or you would've said so. Are you two... estranged? Is that it?"

That's logical. I mean if Nyx and Xena are enemies, then it could be that she and her mom are on bad terms, right? Maybe the feud between the twins affected the relationship between Nyx and her mother.

"That's not it," she murmurs.

"Then what is it?" I press gently. "Talk to me, Nyx."

She sighs again and by how stiff she is, I can clearly tell that she really doesn't want to talk about this. And maybe I am being pushy... but I need to understand. I need to know how a mother could let her daughters fall apart like this.

"I honestly don't know where she is," she begins. "Xena doesn't just hate me. She hates our mother too."

Silence once again stretches

between us

hadn't even

considered that as a possibility. Maybe because of how their mom was with them, I couldn't allowe myself to believe that any of them. would hate their mother. noveldrama

"When everything went up in flames, our mother stood by me," Nyx continues. "She knew that Xena had turned dark. Knew that what Xena was doing was wrong She protected me when Xena wanted to destroy me and because of that, Xéna turned on her too. She wanted her dead."

All I can do as I sit there and listen to Nyx is wonder. Wonder why Xena turned out like this. Wonder why she switched from the girl that loved her mother and twin

sister.

What could have made her change? What was so important that she was willing to abandon her family?

Was it Kaden? Was he the one that poisoned her? Because from where I'm standing, it seems that he's the only one who has that kind of power over her, especially given they are mates.

He's evil, so it's possible that after mating and bonding with Xena, some of his darkness was bled into her, turning her into a monster.

Nyx's voice pulls me from those disturbing thoughts.

"Xena has been hunting our mother the same way she's been hunting me."

"Seriously?" I breathe.

I'm starting to wonder what the hell is actually wrong with Xena. Who hunts their

entire family? Why would she want them dead?

And for what? Some twisted love story with a man even the deities feared because of his wickedness?

The fact that she's probably doing all this over a fucking man disgusts me. What happened to blood is thicker than water?

"Yeah," she says, curling into herself.

"So, you don't know where your mother is, but she is alive?"

"Yes." She answers, "The last time I saw her was after Xena and Kaden attacked

us. I was badly wounded. My mother used her powers to save me... She was weakened but alive."

My mind flashes back to that first memory. The one where Nyx was stabbed and bleeding on the ground. Where Xena stood above her with that cruel smirk. And the man. hadn't seen his face, but now, I'm

sure. It was Kaden.

"The dream I had, the first one," I begin, needing confirmation. "That was Xena and Kaden, wasn't it?"

"Yeah,” she whimpers. "If my mother hadn't stepped in, I would have died that day."

I can feel her love for her mother... and along with that, I feel her sadness.

My heart clenches. For all her sass and stubbornness, I can't imagine my life without Nyx. I can't imagine where I would be if she hadn't survived the attack from Xena.

I may have lost faith in the goddess... but for Nyx, I say a silent prayer.

Thanking her for keeping her alive.

"Do you have any idea where your mom could be now?"

Her answer is instant.

"No," she says. "But... I think I know who she could be."

And with that cryptic reply, she vanishes-shutting me out once again.