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  2. Severed Heart (Ravenhood Legacy Book 2)

  3. Severed Heart: Chapter 58
Severed Heart (Ravenhood Legacy Book 2)

Severed Heart: Chapter 58

BLINK.
Pulling up the driveway, I revel in the sight of the calming view ahead of me. Of the soft porch light and the lights inside the house beyond the windows. Of the peak of the low-lit fire burning through the glass. Of the plaid blanket folded on the plush couch and the memories it now evokes. Of the trees encompassing the house framing this picture. Of the definition of this vision and place—heaven.
It’s when I cut my engine and step outside, hearing a shatter, that my body tenses. Within seconds, I’m inside the door and at the threshold of the kitchen in time to see Delphine hurl another plate at the floor. The force of her anger has it shattering to nothing but splinters as she plucks another dish from the cabinet. It’s not the mess around her or the glass piling up, but her expression that guts me as I counter my gun.
“Delphine,” I call, but she doesn’t hear me, fury and devastation shifting along her gorgeous features as she continues to destroy our dishes one by one before picking up a marble rolling pin and hoisting it up like a bat. I approach her slowly as she swings at the glass canisters, destroying them with one vicious blow, her outraged cry as she does echoing throughout the kitchen as well as my rapidly hemorrhaging heart.
Softly, I repeat her name again and again until she exhausts herself, chest heaving with silent sobs. It’s been a month since she was sentenced by the third opinion we sought out, and I knew a reckoning was coming at some point. I’ve felt the restless struggle within her but decided to let it come naturally rather than force it. I’ve caught many of her lingering looks and returned them with an open-door expression, which she hasn’t taken me up on. She’s kicking that door wide open now, and while I’m ready, I can’t handle the sight of her destroying the one room of the house she loves most. Knowing she’ll regret it if she goes any further, I speak up to stop her.
“Please, baby. Please stop,” I insert between the next shatter, loud enough for her to hear. This plea has her instantly ceasing before she scours the damage. Upon seeing it, she immediately crumbles before me. When I take a cautious step toward her around some of the debris, she holds up a hand to stop me.
“I hate her!”
“Who?”
Her chin wobbles as she shakes her head. “I hate her so much!”
“Who, Delphine? Who do you hate?”
“The woman . . . who gets to have you after me. The woman who”—her voice cracks—“the woman who deserved you all along. Who will give you children—I hate her!”
My heart splinters as she drops her weapon, which I consider useless compared to her words. “I told you long ago, there’s no woman—”
“Oh, there is, Tyler, and for you, she’ll be fucking exceptional because you are . . . everything any woman could ever want . . . and, and s-she’ll be everything I wasn’t. That I’m not, and I couldn’t be for you. She’ll love you better. She’ll be far less selfish. Look how selfish I am! Look how selfish I’m being right now!” Her silver eyes pierce me as she palms her chest with both hands as if its beat is physically paining her. “I needed more time to prove myself to you. To deserve you. To convince you. So you will remember, will know just how much I . . . love you . . . I’m so in love with you. So in love with you.”
My heart cracks at her confession. “Delphine—”
“I wanted to make you feel what you make me feel. I just needed time.” She lowers her palms to her stomach as if she’s been kicked. “Do you think I deserved you? Never. Never once have I deserved you, but I was going to try to. I was going to try so hard to make all you’ve sacrificed, all the pain, and your patience for me worth it. But she gets to have you. She gets to be worthy of you. I just wanted to deserve you before I die!”
“You do, Delphine, you do, and I don’t want her,” I whisper hoarsely.
“You won’t be able to help yourself.” She bursts into tears with that, and my own eyes sting. “You’ll use me as an excuse at first, but you’ll love her. You’ll love her, and I hate her for that. Please just let me hate her. Just for a minute.”
“Come here,” I order.
“No, I can’t.” She palms her chest again as my own batters me. “I can’t, this pain, this anger. I was okay with dying because I didn’t have . . . you. Merde, damn it, Tyler, damn you, I was ready to die.”
“No, you weren’t,” I state bluntly, “and you’re not ready now.”
“Why did you do this to me!? Give me the life I dreamed of?”
“Because I’m selfish,” I admit.
“I’m going to die,” she spits bluntly, her eyes not wavering. “You’re a romantic fool. That’s how this ends, you know, I die.”
“I know.”
“Oh, you know.” She slaps at her cheeks, rebuking her tears. “Well, I’m glad you know.”
“You’re far from dead right now,” I challenge. “So, instead of starting on the CorningWare, let’s go to bed.”
She gapes at me as though I’ve slapped her. “You care so little about this?”
“Not tonight and not right now.”
“So easy for you to say,” she counters, “you get to—”
“To what?” I snap back. “I get to live? You aren’t that ignorant. I have to bury you while you’ll be completely unaware of any of that pain. God or no God, you’ll be in a perpetual state of bliss or ignorance while I reject any life without you, fucking forcing myself through every breath. So no, I don’t feel sorry for you, Delphine, because you get to die, and you won’t be the one left behind. I wish . . . fuck what I wish.” I swallow. “I have to fucking survive losing you. I have to live through it, and if I ever do pray to the God you believe in, it’ll be that it won’t be long-term.”
Tears stream down her cheeks at my admission and the fact that she knows I mean every word.
“So no, I have no intention of living the full life I have only imagined with you. That future you’re dreaming up for me is fucking fictional and was created out of jealousy, the same jealousy I would have if I was the one dying and I imagined you moving on. But know this—my future is being stolen right along with yours the minute you leave me.”
“That’s not what I want for you,” she croaks before quickly backpedaling. “You’re right. I’m simply jealous. So jealous, but I don’t want you to deny yourself. At all, because you’re right, I’ll be in bliss. I don’t want this bleak existence you see for yourself at all, Soldier.”
“And I don’t want to bury you, but neither of us is getting our way, so instead of fighting with me about what we can’t control, let me show you just how alive you still are.”
Her expression collapses as she sobs in her hands. Unable to handle another minute of the space between us, I stalk toward her before lifting her from the remains of what was formerly our kitchen and hauling her back toward our bedroom. By the time we reach the door, our mouths are molded together. Blindly, I walk toward the bed as I thrust my tongue into her mouth, and she meets my kiss, just as frenzied.
The second we’re undressed, and she’s spread beneath me, I bury myself in her wet heat. Her moans fueling me as I fuck her aggressively, pinning her hands beside her head and grinding my length against her clit.
Within minutes, she’s tightening around me and crying out through her release. Heart thundering, I fuck her at a frantic pace until she’s completely wrung out, her body a trembling mess of aftermath, her skin soaked and covered in afterburn. It’s when she whispers my name and palms my face that I slow, throat and nose burning from the fight roaring in my chest.
“Tyler,” she whispers urgently, commanding my eyes as I waste myself inside her, fighting her, fighting fate, and fucking away the enemy neither of us can defeat. Her soldier I may be, but I’m useless in defending or protecting her from this. For the first time since we got the news, I allow her to glimpse my grief, coming apart at the seams as I milk every ounce of pleasure from her that I can. Fighting for our peace as I thrust in, again and again, groaning filthy words into her tear-streaked face before licking her salted lips.
Licking my own tears, I dig my fingernails into her while inhaling what I can of her scent, memorizing her, submerging myself fully into her until I’m drenched, drowning, and beyond as grief seizes me whole.
“Tyler,” she demands, refusing to back down until I bring my gaze to hers. I slow and still when I see the expression on her face . . . a peaceful resolve and acceptance I’ve been dreading.
“Don’t baby, don’t. Please don’t,” I rasp out. “Keep fighting with me, please.”
She digs her heels into my back, refusing me, stilling me while running her hands along my shoulders and down my arms in a soothing motion.
“You brought me back to life,” she murmurs, her voice full of awe as she gazes up at me like I’m the only thing that matters.
“Please don’t stop fighting,” I cry openly as she shakes her head and gives me a blinding smile.
“It’s okay, it’s okay now, Soldier, don’t you see?”
I shake my head, hearing the agitation and anger in my voice. “See what?”
“We won. We’ve already won,” she declares victoriously.
“No, I don’t see,” I bite out bitterly. “And I never will. This will never fucking be okay.”
“Have faith, my soldier. You will.” She lifts and places the gentlest of kisses on my lips. “One day, you will see.”
After freeing me, I work us both until we’re a heaving mess, our hearts pounding in unison with our cries until we’re utterly taxed. After a shower of murmured words and tender kisses I order her to dress.
“For what?” she asks, her eyes half-closed from exhaustion.
“And meet me at the Ranger in ten minutes,” I add without answering.
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Fine, Soldier. Would you like fries with that order?” she mumbles sarcastically, and I gape at her.
“Perfect execution, baby, well done,” I compliment with a grin.
“Tyler, I’m tired,” she whines. “Do we have to leave?”
“Yes. Nine minutes left now, General Whiney,” I chuckle. “Get moving.”
Climbing into her Ranger twenty minutes later, she turns and glimpses the haul I loaded in the back seat. “We’re camping tonight?”
“Possibly,” I mutter, “and just so we’re clear, you’re a nightmare when it comes to presents and surprises.” I turn the Ranger over to start it as her voice carries over it.
“I love you, best friend,” she drawls out as I turn to see her gazing back at me, a peaceful twinkle in her eyes. “And if I have to kick buckets, then I’m so glad it’s with you.”
I bite my lip and shake my head just as she shouts, making us both jump. “Bucket, it’s ‘kick the bucket!’” she corrects herself.
“This is . . . a pretty morbid start,” I sigh, “and not how I want this portion of our night to go.”
“So what,” she states. “Neither of us wants to talk about it, so let’s get it all out now and be done with it. I never meant for you to find me like that. I sent Zach away for the night and didn’t expect you home so early. But I wasn’t expecting to redecorate the kitchen,” she whispers mournfully. “Fuck it, I’m glad because it’s out there now. I’m sad, you’re sad, we’re both mad, so let’s just say what we feel and truly be done.” Her eyes widen with an idea. “But we’re going to say it really fast.”
“Why fast?” I ask.
“So that we reveal our most brash, most honest thoughts.”
“Fine,” I concede, “but the minute this Ranger stops, so does the conversation, deal?”
“Deal,” she says. I give the Ranger some gas as she speaks up first after a few seconds of the ride. “I’m scared it will hurt, and I don’t want to be in pain the whole time.”
“I’m scared you’ll be in pain too, so I’m going to make sure that’s not an issue,” I counter just as quickly while steering us onto the path.
“I’m scared you won’t find faith,” she says.
“I’m scared I won’t be strong for Zach,” I admit.
“I’m not scared about that at all, Tyler. I know you’ll be exactly what you’re supposed to be for him.”
“I’m glad you’re so confident,” I utter.
“I am.” She nudges me as I slow us down, knowing we need to get this out and the trek to our destination is a short one. “This is good, see?”
“I don’t share your enthusiasm, but go,” I tell her.
“Bury me close to my sister and nephew . . . and don’t pick an ugly casket. I’m scared you’ll pick an ugly casket.”
“Hey, I have good taste,” I defend hoarsely, hating this exchange with every fiber of my being. “But I promise I’ll buy the most expensive light blue Cadillac-quality casket available,” I clip, my eyes stinging.
“Soldier,” she whispers, sensing the pain this is causing me, and I shake my head.
“Keep going,” I demand. “I’ll deal.”
“Get him in school,” she orders as we roll over a divot in the trail. We decided right away to let Zach skip this semester because of the legalities we haven’t gotten to yet and to acclimate him to us to see if it was where this was going. Also, to protect me for serving time, because if I meet Tim right now, I’ll kill him. No question in my mind about that.
Along with therapy, and after the holidays, Mom is giving Zach an aptitude test she’s securing from a school counselor friend so we can see what we’re dealing with. But before we get him back into population, Delphine and I decided we want Zach back in good health, which will give him some needed confidence and some added tools in dealing with the company he’s been forced to keep. From what he’s told us, he loves school, but his classmates, not so much.
“What else?” I prompt, realizing we both went silent as the headlights beam ahead, lighting up our path, along with the added help of the three-quarter moon blazing above us. A moon I’m thankful for, which helped cement the decision to bring her here tonight—timing everything, especially with us as emotional as we are.
“No internet,” she states firmly.
“That’s just not possible, baby. It’s consuming the world.”
“That’s a problem. Mark my words, Soldier, it is evil and will cause much destruction.”
“Sean would agree with you, but tell me why you think so,” I ask, taking a turn and slowing even further—our destination an easy four- to five-minute walk, at most, from the house.
“Because I finally got online when you gave me that stupid smartphone, putting my feelings aside to be objective.”
“And?” I prompt.
“And within minutes, I had watched a cat video, a cute baby video, an inspirational video full of beautiful images, before I watched a train crash into a car with people inside it, which killed them. Then I was exposed to another video where a suicidal soldier begged a cop for a hug.”
Her point strikes where intended, and I swallow as our eyes meet.
“All of that, that chaos, the beautiful mixed with the tragic, to the depraved, is a deity’s view, Tyler. It’s a god’s view, not meant for us. We are not built for such exposure to things like this, capable of processing so many extremes in such a short time. It’s already causing so much harm to young minds, who are now harming themselves. While it is disguised as a good tool, I feel it’s evil and know it will do great harm.”
“How about limited internet, monitored social media?” I barter.
“Limited internet, no social media until he’s graduated.”
“You just caused me hours of fighting with him,” I relent.
“I know, but please for me, Soldier. Please. Don’t expose him to that. Make him spend some time in the sun every day and form real relationships in person.”
“You love him,” I state as we take one last dip and round the bend of trees, and I stop just short of breaching them.
“You do, too,” she says, scanning our path.
“I’m starting to,” I admit before she takes a second look around.
“He’s special, Tyler, like you. There is far more to him that he is revealing . . . hey”—she frowns, realizing the path we’re on—“this was blocked before, with many, many large tree limbs.”
I flash her a grin. “I know.”
“You blocked me?”
“Oui,” I spout.
“So, we’re camping here?”
“No, we’re finishing this conversation here,” I state and turn to her. “I have something to say, but I’m not saying it fast.”
“Oh, no”—she licks her lips—“okay. Tell me.”
“The reason I’m not showing you my pain is because I decided the day I found out not to mourn you until you’re gone. Not to let your illness steal our happiness and peace. I don’t know how long I can make it last, but I want to try to hold onto it for as long as possible.”
“I agree, Soldier. I agree.”
“I was hoping you would, but it’s not my decision. We can do this any way you want.”
“I want it exactly the way you decided. It’s perfect”—she nods for emphasis—“it’s the perfect strategy.”
“Okay, and one more thing.” I swallow. “I know how much you love me, Delphine. I feel it and always have. Even when you fought so hard to conceal it, I felt it.” She nods, eyes watering. “Believe me, I know, okay?”
I can see the relief in her eyes as she scours the grounds, and the night noise surrounds us.
“But if you want to suck my cock exactly like you did this morning every day to prove your love, I will not object to any effort—” She slaps at my chest cutting me short, and we both laugh before I shrug. “You wanted brash.”
“Ha-ha.” She rolls her eyes. “Now, take me to camp,” she sighs, and I feel the weight of the conversation start to leave us, even as the ache lingers. When I hit the gas, she clamps my arm. “Last thing,” she says, and I sigh and stomp the brakes, knowing I wasn’t going to get away with ending the discussion so easily.
“Please don’t mourn me. Please let me go when the time comes. I want you to live a full life. You are too young to limit yourself so much. Let me be and remain your first love, Tyler, not your only. Promise me.”
“I can’t promise that.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
She stares at me for a long beat. “Fine, imbecile, but if you can’t promise me, then you have to give me one last wish.”
“Anything you want,” I swear.
“Anything?” she prompts.
“Anything,” I repeat with a nod.
“Hmm, then”—she sits back in her seat—“I’ll let you know.”
“I may have granted that too easily, and now I’m scared,” I chuckle, “are we done?”
“Yes . . . no, Ezekiel,” she whispers.
“I’ve got him,” I assure, “well, as much as anyone can have him.” I shake my head with a grin.
“I know.” She nods. “I know, Soldier . . . and”—she glances down at her ring—“I want you to know I would have planned the most ridiculous wedding for a forty-one-year-old kissing tramp,” she laughs. The vision of her blowing out her candles not even a week ago re-stoking the relentless ache. “I would have embarrassed you, Soldier.”
“Do it,” I dare. “Embarrass me.”
“No, that’s a gift I’m giving to your future wife.”
“Stop,” I grit out, “there is no after you.”
“Oh, but there is,” she assures with a smile, “have faith, my Soldier.” She palms my jaw. “Have faith.”
Deciding the conversation is pointless and futile, I pull her reassuring hand from my jaw, kissing it before tethering our fingers and holding them in my lap. Pressing the gas, I steer us around a winding corner of clustered evergreens before pulling to a stop at the foot of the field. Thankful when I see the moon doing my bidding as it casts a surreal glow over the endless acres of wildflowers.
She palms her mouth with both hands at the sight of them, and I gently lower them to take in her expression. Having decided to save the reveal for a night just like this one, where we needed our spirits lifted. A plan seemingly executed as her wide eyes glitter along the expanse of the valley, which is blanketed by every imaginable stem fit for the region. Many of the blooms are already reaching knee height, and the flowers dance and sway with the sweep of the cool breeze filtering through as if summoning us both that it’s playtime. Proud of my handiwork, but even more so by the wonder and shock in Delphine’s expression, she only furthers the zing in my chest when she turns to me, gasping out her familiar sentiment. “Okay, Soldier, this is the best night of my life.”
A deep ache surfaces when, for the first time, I allow her sentiment to pass without my typical rebuttal. “Then it’ll be the best night of my life, too.”
Briefly, I allow the burn of that defeat to do its thing while turning on the Ranger’s radio before rounding it to stand at her door. Hand extended as the soft music croons through the crisp night air, I finally utter the question I’ve been anticipating asking since I plowed and planted the field last fall. “General, can I have this dance?”
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